Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
