I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize