Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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