Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
