Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We are two peas in an std pod
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
