A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
