Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So vagazzling was a success
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
