I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize