oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
