I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
