We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
