Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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