Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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