I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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