Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
