I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
