I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
