When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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