failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Found your dick twin last night
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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