I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
