I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
