So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
