omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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