I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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