I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
