Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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