i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
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