Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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