I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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