she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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