I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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