He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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