I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
