So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
