I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
