she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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