do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
