I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
