I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize