It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
