maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
