There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
tonight lets celebrate not being married
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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