i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I want to be your penis for a week.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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