I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
