yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
