No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
high people should be assigned attendants
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize