i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
