The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
