I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
