You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
