I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
