I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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