you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i dont even know how to be here
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
