i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
