You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
