Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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