all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
