You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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