So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
