I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
