Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
