fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
