Your face is a jimmy john
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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