Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Your cock deserves a montage
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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