a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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