Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
