True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
