Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
