Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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